Sh!ts Exhausting

Think positive Jade.

Yup, not really a part of my daily affirmations but it needs to be. 

The problem, staying positive all the time means when a negative situation happens I tend to quietly implode. More like seethe. Then I’m stuck running ‘what-ifs’ in my mind and ‘naw, that’s not how that happened’ because I was busy smiling and being positive. I refrain from using any of my adult four letter words. 

Instead I proceed with finely crafted emails and phone calls where I’ve sprinkled my tone to sound like the sweetest southern belle instead of sounding like a chick from the Midwest that says ‘shit’ and ‘fuck.’

Yeah, it’s worked in my favor but it i want immediate resolution. In this case, I’m too tired to approach and kindly say, excuse me ma’am, you’re tone is a bit off putting, maybe you’re not having a good day, or some other deflecting ass comment. What I want to say is something with all the four letter words.

Instead, I got up, moved, and asked Jayla if I was tripping. I asked if that lady’s tone was appropriate. Jayla, my kind, sweet child that sees the good in everyone and is quick to say, ‘everything’s fine’ said, nope, she was rude.

We had already moved, I kept smiling.

Shits exhausting. 

When we got to our gate, there were no seats left. What did we do? Post up on the wall like everyone else. What happened? We were asked…nope, told…to move. Not the other groups of people sitting along the wall. Just us. I wait until the lady returns and asked if everyone else was going to be asked to move. Her response, I asked you…I’ll get to them. 

We move.

5, 10, 15 minutes pass and she has yet to instruct the other group of folks to move. Once she finally does, I ask one of the women if they were asked nicely. Yup, of course. She was very nice. Not, you need to move.

Ok, whatever. Maybe I’m tripping.

When it’s time to board, the same lady is now checking tickets.

She pulls Jayla out of line to examine her passport, asks us to stand to the side and let’s several people board.

Me, still reasoning with myself that I might be tripping, I ask Jayla how she feels. She’s annoyed. I ask her to squeeze my hand so we can do a transfer of energy. It doesn’t work because I’m annoyed too. So, we start laughing. I’m telling her not to allow other people’s attitudes to take away her peace. I’m telling her what I need to hear.

The lady finally hands Jayla back her passport and asks, oh, are you her mother? I apologize.  I hope you have a nice trip. Enjoy your flight.

Jayla asks me what was going on.

I don’t know.

I just know, shits exhausting.

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